I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
