So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
