oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
