Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
