Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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