Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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