so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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