I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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