she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
