you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
