I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize