Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
