somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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