So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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