I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
