btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize