just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
