there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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