found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
