tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
