corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
