All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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