I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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