I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
