is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
