i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
