fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
