I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need to rekindle our bromance
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
