btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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