also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
