A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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