why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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