my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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