so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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