no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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