Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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