Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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