Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
