So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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