Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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