He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she peed on how many people?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
