if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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