Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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