Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
