Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
