she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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