HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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