Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
