You smell like stripper and shame
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
