don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
