remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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