I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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