I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
