So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
