If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
