We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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