If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Randomize
