I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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