I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
